would this be fine:
O monks, this king (was) ruined, the king (was) injured.
R:
Yes, except that I would look for a stronger word than injured. It
seems to me that upahata was chosen to
reflect a most serious state of almost (upa-) + death (hata < hanati,
kills). This is because King Ajatasattu put
his father to death (mentioned in the following sentence of the sutta),
which caused him not to see the eye of
truth. The English word injured leaves open the door that the king has
suffered something minor, something
that may heal on its own. This is not the case, even though we already
have "ruined." For upahata I would
consider devastated.
-- This king (was) ruined, this king (was) devastated.
Then there is the word bhikkhave, twice:
-- This king (was) ruined, monks, this king (was) devastated, monks.
Thats a good word-for-word. In a translation I would keep the Pali word
order:
-- Ruined was this king, monks. Devastated was this king.
I still like the word uprooted for khata (<khanati, digs up). In a
translation, I might use spiritually
uprooted instead of ruined.
---------
Thank you, Yong Peng, for sending these word-for-words. They help me
learn new Pali words and review
words already learned. I know youre not trying to make a translation or
paraphrase with them, and that the
word-for-word is the first necessary step along the way.-- Rene