I've been chuckling like a maniac
here reading through your poem :)
There's some criticism below so I'll
start by saying that I enjoy your work
immmensely.
"Spýtum nú vals vætu
víss Kvasis fyr gulls Dísi.
Biðk til Temsar Boðnar,
bragnir, hljóðs: of móður -
hvé niðr hrönnum nenni -
námumönnum Önnu
sló Sága Sílægju -
segja - báls - vígs álum."
Line 7 sounds off to my Icelandic ears. It's the dreaded
'ofstuðlun'; "too much alliteration". It's a strange thing,
alliteration, it's got to be just so. One can be forgiven
for dropping the hendingar (rhyme) now and then but if the
alliteration is wrong the scholars will assume the text of
your poem is corrupt :)
Usually each half of a dróttkvætt stanza is
independent in meaning. You're going pretty far
with the scrambling to make 'of móður' in the first
half fit with 'Önnu' in the second one :) Anyhow,
I'll try to translate.
"Spýtum nú valsvætu víss Kvasis, fyrir Dísi gulls.
Bragnir, ek bið (yðr) hljóðs til Temsar Boðnar."
Let us now spew forth the wetness of the slain [blood]
of the wise Kvasir [poetry] for the Dís of gold [woman],
I bid you be silent for the Thames of Boðn [poetry].
Should 'bragnir' be 'bragnar? Nice touch working
the Thames in here ;)
"(Ek) nenni segja of móður Önnu, hvé Sága báls
Sílægju sló niðr námumönnum hrönnum með álum vígs."
I want to tell of Anna's mother [Elizabeth], how the
Sága of the bonfire of the sea [gold] [woman] beat
down the miners in heaps with eels of killing [swords].
I don't recognize the phrase "slá niðr + dat."
Got to love the eels of killing - it sounds like
something out of Monty Python but it's actually
a perfectly normal sword-kenning :)
"Hrísla vís glæs geisla
gladdi hræs ok saddi
þeista, þá rym reisti
randa í Serklandi.
Vís hrísla geisla glæs gladdi þeista hræs ok saddi (hann), þá er
(hún) reisti rym randa í Serklandi."
The wise tree of the beam of the sea [gold] [woman]
gladdened the tystie of the corpse [raven/eagle] and
gave it its fill when she raised the roar of shields
[battle] in Northern Africa.