Dear Yong Peng,
thank you very much for all the trouble you took with this sutta.
I have a few suggestions.
------
Dvinnaaha.m, bhikkhave, dhammaana.m upa~n~naasi.m - yaa ca
asantu.t.thitaa kusalesu dhammesu
-------
Y.P.: asantu.t.thitaa kusalesu dhammesu :which (are) discontentment
with good states, and free of obstruction in effort.

-------

N: discontentment seems negative. The meaning is: kusala is never
enough and he realises this . Suggestion: not being complacent with
the good already performed.

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Y.P.: Appa.tivaanii sudaaha.m, bhikkhave, padahaami : O monks, even I
strive (for) non-hindrance -

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N: suggested: free from any restriction, I strive thus:

(The striving pertains to what follows, not to the non-hindrance. The
non-hindrance tells us something about the way he strives).

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Y.P.: kaama.m taco ca nhaaru'...As it shall be, may the skin, tendon
and bone remains,

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N: nhaaru or: nahaaru.

PTS has: (Kama.m)Gladly would I have...

PTS : avasissatu, this is imperative of a verb. instead of a
substantive the remains. Instead of :may they remain: may they wither
(as PTS translation). Remain sounds strange to me.

--------

Y.P.: may flesh and
blood in the body dries up, whichever (that) has to be attained with
manly strength, vigour and energy, having not attained that, (one)
will assume the characteristics of vigour.'

-------

N: san.thaana.m: position, establishment, firmness, steadfastness.

I would turn the sentence around: ya.m ta.m purisathaamena
purisaviiriyena purisaparakkamena pattabba.m na ta.m apaapu.nitvaa
viiriyassa sa.n.thaana.m bhavissatii'ti:

so that I will be steadfast in endeavour with heroic strength, vigour
and energy in order to attain what has not been attained yet. (This
is a free translation of pattabba.m na ta.m apaapu.nitvaa)

*******



Y.P.:O monks, for that, my sambodhi (is) attained with vigilance, (my)
unsurpassed peace from bondage (is) attained with vigilance.

------

N: Another option: Tassa mayha.m, bhikkhave, appamaadaadhigataa
sambodhi:
Therefore, monks, my awakening is attained with earnestness...

---------

Y.P.:Monks, even if you would strive (for) non-hindrance -

N: Monks, if you also would strive without restriction...
('even if' is different, it means: although...)
-------

N: pariyosaana: also: end, perfection, stands for arahatship.
Suggestion: final goal, fulfilment.

samadeva: sammaa +eva: rightly indeed.

Upasampajja: gerund. Having attained. Abhi~n~naa: from
abhijhaanaati.PTS gives here: saya.m abhi~n~naa sacchikatvaa. Thus
we have two gerunds here.

Now I go first to the end: the three gerunds and the verb:

tumhepi, bhikkhave, nacirasseva -yassatthaaya kulaputtaa sammadeva
agaarasmaa anagaariya.m pabbajanti
tadanuttara.m - brahmacariyapariyosaana.m di.t.theva dhamme
saya.mabhi~n~naa sacchikatvaa upasampajja viharissatha.

------
O monks, you too, after a short time, will dwell, after having
thoroughly known for yourselves, realised and accomplished in this
very life that unsurpassable fulfilment of the brahma life for the
sake of which those of high birth rightly leave home for the homeless
life.

----

Eva~nhi vo, bhikkhave, sikkhitabban"ti.


Y.P.:Surely so, O monks, (it) should be learned by you."

------

N: Thus, monks, should you train yourselves.

Nina.














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