Few comments:
(1) Why do you tranlate 'me' as 'in me'? 'In me would be locative. "me' is usually, instrumental, dat, or gen.
(2) You translate dhammacakkhu as 'eye of dhamma'. Later on you change it to 'vision of dhamma'. The two words 'eye' and 'vision' could be related but they are two different things. It would be better to be consistent, I think.Most probably dhamma-eye would emphasize the technical nature of the word.
(3) This is quite complex. Let me first say that I am not sure why I say, except it is a gut feeling.
I refer to the translation of "ya.m ki~nci samudayadhamma. m, sabba.m ta.m nirodhadhamman". You have translated this as: "Whatever is subject to arising, all that is subject to
cessation". I can't find anything wrong with that.
However, I feel samudayadhamma refers to the first noble truth and nirodhadhamma.m to the the 3rd noble truth.
DCD. G. D. C. Wijeratna
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