Dear Yong Peng,

A few suggestions [within brackets]:

> Katamaa ca, Raahula, aapo-dhaatu?
> which / and / Rahula / water-element
> And which, Rahula, is the water element?

[And what, Raahula, is the water element?]

> Aapo-dhaatu siyaa ajjhattikaa, siyaa baahiraa.
> water-element / may be / internal / may be / external
> Water element may be internal, may be external.

[The water element may be internal or external.]

> Katamaa ca, Raahula, ajjhattikaa aapo-dhaatu?
> which / and / Rahula / internal / water-element
> And which, Rahula, is the internal water element?

[And what, Raahula, is the internal water element?]

> Ya.m ajjhatta.m paccatta.m aapo aapogata.m upaadinna.m,
> that / internally / individually / liquid / liquidified / clung to
> That internally, and individually, is liquid, liquidified, and clung to,

[That which is internal and personal, liquid, liquefied, clung to.]
--Please note spelling of LIQUEFIED.

> seyyathida.m - pitta.m semha.m pubbo lohita.m sedo medo
> that is / gall / phlegm / pus / blood / sweat / fat
> that is - gall, phlegm, pus, blood, sweat, fat,

[That is to say, bile, phlegm, phlegm, sweat, fat]
---"Gall" is the old word of "bile" and is now used only in the figurative
sense.

> assu vasaa khe.lo si'nghaa.nikaa lasikaa mutta.m,
> tears / tallow / saliva / snot / synovia / urine
> tears, tallow, saliva, snot, synovia, urine,

--Note: "synovia": I've used "synovial fluid" or "oil of joint" (last one I
regard as literal translation, but can be switched around actually). The
important thing is when one is meditating, one should know what the word
refers to.

> ya.m vaa pan-a~n~nam-pi ki~nci ajjhatta.m paccatta.m
> that / or / else-other-and / whatever / *** / individually
> [or whatever else that is internal or personal]
>
> aapo aapogata.m upaadinna.m // aya.m vuccati,
> liquid / liquidified / clung to / this / is called
> is liquid, liquidified, and clung to - this is called

[This is called liquid, liquefied, clung to.]
[Bodhi has "...water, watery, clung to" which is more down to earth:
remember Anglo-Saxon.]
["aya.m vuccati" should read with following sentence...]

> Raahula, ajjhattikaa aapo-dhaatu.
> Rahula / internal / water-element
> the internal water element, Rahula.

[Raahula, this is called the internal water element.]

> Yaa c-eva kho pana ajjhattikaa aapo-dhaatu
> that / and thus / indeed / then / internal / water-element
> Thus that internal water element

[But (pana) that very water element that is internal]
["Eva" is usually translated as an emphatic particle: "that very" and so
on. "eva.m" = thus
]

> yaa ca baahiraa aapo-dhaatu aapo-dhaatu-r-ev-esaa.
> that / and / external / water-element / thus this water element / [these]
> and that external water element are simply water element.

[and that external water element are (from "esaa") merely water element

> Ta.m 'n-eta.m mama, n-eso-ham-asmi,
> that / not-this / mine / not-this-I-am
> Thus "this is not mine, I am not this,

["This is not mine; this I am not."

>
> na m-eso attaa'ti -
> not / for me this / self / (end-quote)
> this is not myself" -

[This is not my self.] "myself" is a reflexive pronoun.

> evam-eta.m yathaa-bhuuta.m samma-ppa~n~naaya da.t.thabba.m.
> thus this / just as it is / with right wisdom / is to be seen
> is to be seen with right wisdom just as it is.

[This should thus be seen according to reality with right wisdom.]

> Evam-eta.m yathaa-bhuuta.m samma-ppa~n~naaya disvaa
> thus this / just as it is / with right wisdom / having seen
> Having seen this with right wisdom just as it is,

[Having seen it thus according to reality with right wisdom]

>
> aapo-dhaatuyaa nibbindati, aapo-dhaatuyaa citta.m viraajeti.
> from water-element / is detached / from water-element / mind / is
> made dispassionate
> The mind is detached from and made dispassionate towards the water
> element.

[One is disenchanted with the water element and the mind is
dispassionate towards it.]
Alt tr: [One is disenchanted with the water element and the mind is detached
from it.]
Whichever translation you choice, do stick to it for consistency.

Also, it would be good to number your paragraphs: the standard has been set
by Bhikkhu Bodhi. So it good to follow it for easy cross-reference.

My translations are provisional and subject to the critique of others.

Sukhi.

P.