Dear John,

We've done three fourths! The finish is close.

My suggestions are:

Lesson 8
Section 1
1.
atha kho - and then;

"How tranquil are the faculties of master Gotama, how clean and
unblemished the complexion."

'bho' is an adress to equals or juniors 'bhavant', therefore instead
of 'master' 'sir' fits better.

2.
tena kho pana samayena - and at that very time;

'Was being prepared', 'were brought up'. The narrational Pali present
is better rendered by past time.

'Gotama completely agrees with us'. There's no 'we say'.

bhante - venerable sir. Why 'Lord'?

3.
'and lapses into everything it wishes';

sududdasa.m - very difficult to see;

patiruupa - example;
kilissati - defiles himself;

Let one firstly set an example himself;
Then he may instruct others, thus the wise one won't defile himself.

Section 2
1.
'in the Peaked Roof pavilion';

Mahaavana - Great Forest;

'point out the visible fruit of generosity'

daayaka - donor;

bhajati - 'serves' (synonym of 'sevati')(see 'bhaj' in Sanskrit
dictionary);

daayaka.m daanapati.m santo sappurisaa bhajanti - generous lay donor
is well served by virtuous people;

ama'nkubhuuto - without cofusion;

2.
pavatti - perpetration;

ayoniso - superficial, shallow (attention);
yoniso - acute, shrewd, thorough (attention);

3.
"If a monk is of such character,..."

kalyaa.namitto - virtuous friend;

4.
... who is reborn slower and who faster - one who after death is reborn in
the Brahma world, or one who after death is reborn in Kashmir?

With the same (speed), great king.

cintita is a past participle, therefore:

I have thought, venerable sir.

About which (place) you thought slower, great king, and about which
faster?

With the same (speed), great king.

Just so, great king, one who after death is reborn in the
Brahma world, and one who after death is reborn in Kashmir,
do it with the same speed (in the same amount of time).

Give me one more analogy.

What do you think, great king, if two birds fly in the sky and one
sits higher on a tree, and the other lower on a tree, if they land (on
a tree) simultaneously, the shadow of which one would land on the ground
first, and which one later?

Lesson 9
1.
...in the town of Bhoga near the cairn named Ananda.

bhadante - venerable sir;

mahaapadesa - great argument;

eva.m vadeyya - may say thus;

otaariyamaana - being collated (according to Margaret Cone
dictionary);

Without rejoicing or rejection, thoroughly studying these sentences
and syllables, they should collate them to the discourses, and compare
them with the rules of discipline.

3.
chanda.m - desire;

bhadra - good fortune;

But when good fortune ripens, the good-doer sees good fortune.

Just as poison does not enter when there is no wound,
so there is no evil for one who does not commit it.

Those with good fortune go to heaven, those without taints get to
highest calm.

Section 2
1.
bhante - venerable sir;

...conquering both worlds, he conducts himself. Thus he undertakes
well this world and the next.

2.
"What if I will preach the Doctrine."

3.
Who will conquer this earth,
And this world of yama, together with its gods?
Who will pick out the well-proclaimed path of the truth
Just as a skillful person picks out the flower?

In second verse there's no question.

papupphaka.m - blooming flower
(see pra-pu.spita in Monier-Williams dictionary);

Having realized that this body is like foam,
Understanding its illusory nature,
And cutting the blooming flowers of Mara,
One may go unseen past the king of death.

maana - conceit;

That fool who considers himself fool,
Is in fact wise because of this;
Whereas that fool who conceits he is wise,
He is indeed called a fool.

Hopefully these suggestions will help.

Metta,
Dimitry