Hi Laurel,
I have read through your translation.
I think your idea of using black/red/blue
i.e. ON text/very literal translation/smooth English phrasing
is very good, and also very instructive.
Upon first reading, I did however, see a couple of
errors. Not many, but perhaps it might be useful
if I pointed them out.


--- In norse_course@yahoogroups.com, "Laurel Bradshaw" <llawryf@...>
wrote:

> Finally!! I'm still not paying too much attention to verb tenses --

they all end up past tense in the translation anyway, but if anyone
wants to correct them, I'll have it for reference later on......

> ___________________________________
>
> Hann spurði alla sauðarmenn at seljum,
> he - asked - all - shepherds - at - shielings
> He asked all the shepherds at the shielings
>
> ef nõkkurr hefði sét þetta fé, ok kvazk engi sét hafa.
> if - anyone - had - seen - these - livestock - but - says - no one -

seen - has

> whether anyone had seen the sheep, but no one had seen them.
>
> Einarr reið Freyfaxa allt frá eldingu ok til miðs aptans.
> Einarr - rode - Freyfaxi - all - from - dawn - and - to - mid - evening
> Einar rode Freyfaxi from daybreak until the middle of the evening.
> [Note: Gordon says "miðr aptann" is 6 pm.]
>
> Hestrinn bar hann skjótt yfir ok víða,
> the horse - bore - him - quickly - over/across - and - widely
> The horse carried him fast and over a wide area,
>
> því at hestrinn var góðr af sér.
> since - the horse - was - generous - with - himself
> because the horse was willing to go all-out.

To me "af sér" cannot mean 'with himself', as you write.
It is more like he was a good horse for his rider.
"af" here is more like English 'off', indicating
a movement from the horse to whoever benefited.
"inherently good", I think is more accurate, as if
he easily "gives of himself". I see "af sér" more
as a term denoting character or quality.
At least, that is how it seems to me.

> Einari kom þat í hug, at honum mundi mál heim
> to Einarr - came - it - to - mind - that - to him - must be - time -

towards home

> Einar decided that it was time to head home
>
> ok reka þat fyrst heim, sem heima var,
> and - drive - that - first - in - which - at home - was
> and round up the (sheep) that were at home first,
>
> þótt hann fyndi hitt eigi.
> even if - he - found - the other - not
> even if he did not find the others.
>
> Reið hann þá austr yfir hálsa í Hrafnkelsdal.
> rode - he - then - eastwards - over/across - ridges - toward -

Hrafnkelsdalr

> He then rode east over the ridges towards Hrafnkelsdal.

Can "í" mean 'towards'? I think, with accusative, it is
better to read it as 'into': Over the ridges into Hrafnkelsdal.

> En er hann kemr ofan at Grjótteigi,
> but - when - he - came - down - to - Grjótteigr
> But when he came down to Grjotteig,

'from above' (ofan) is more literal.

> heyrir hann sauðarjarm fram með gilinu,
> hears - he - bleating of sheep - from - along - the ravine
> he heard the sound of bleating coming from the ravine

"fram" does not have a meaning similar to English 'from'.
I think 'forward' is better, or in this case 'ahead'.
Hence you might say that he heard the bleating coming
from a direction ahead of him in the vicinity of the ravine.

> þangat sem hann hafði fram riðit áðr.
> thither - which - he - had - in front of - ridden - before
> which he had ridden past earlier.

To me it seems more like "fram" should be read together
with to ride. "riða fram" = to ride forward.
Hence it might mean that this had occurred on his way
"out". But now he was returning, retracing his steps, as it were.

> Snýr hann þangat til ok sér renna í móti sér þrjá tigu ásauðar,
> turns - he - thither - towards - and - sees - running - to - meet -

himself - three - ten - of ewe

> He turned towards this (ravine) and saw thirty ewes running to meet him,

"í móti" is indicative of direction.
I simply understand it as 'against him' or 'in his direction'.
referring to 'meet' is not wrong, but links up with a
particular noun (mót n.), whereas here it is more the preposition
mót that counts.

> þat sama sem hann vantat hafði áðr viku,
> that - same - which - he - been lacking - had - before - week
> the same ones that he had been missing for the previous week,
>
> ok støkkði hann því heim með fénu.
> and - drove - he - it - homewards - with - the livestock
> and he drove them home along with the (other) sheep.
>
>
> Hestrinn var vátr allr af sveita, svá at draup ór hverju hári hans,
> the stallion - was - wet - with - sweat - so - that - dripped - from

- every - hair - of his

> The stallion was wet with sweat, so that it dripped from every hair.
>
> var mjõk leirstokkinn ok móðr mjõk ákafliga.
> was - much - mud-bespattered - and - weary - much - exceedingly
> He was very splattered with mud and completely exhausted.
>
> Hann veltisk nõkkurum tólf sinnum,
> he - rolls over - some - twelve - times
> He rolled over some twelve times,
>
> ok eptir þat setr hann upp hnegg mikit.
> and - after - that - set - he - up - neighing - great
> and then he stood up with a great neigh,

I do not read it as the horse "standing up", as if
standing up from a previous reclining position, but rather
as a reference to the production of a loud sound.
In English you can also speak of "setting up a clamor",
which means "to cause a clamor".

>
> Siðan tekr hann á mikilli rás ofan eptir gõtunum.
> afterwards - takes - he - in - great - rush - down - after - the

path/road

> and took off at great speed down the path.

Here I read "eptir" as 'along'.
I wonder if götunum is not a plural.
In that case 'down along the paths'.

>
> Einarr snýr eptir honum ok vill komask fyrir hestinn
> Einarr - went - after - him - and - wanting - to come - in front of

- the stallion

> Einar went after him and wanted to head off the stallion
>
> ok vildi hõndla hann ok fora (foera) hann aptr til hrossa,
> and - wanted - to lay hands on - him - and - bring - him - back - to

- mares

> and catch him and bring him back to the mares,
>
> en hann var svá styggr, at Einarr komsk hvergi í nándir honum.
> but - he - was - so - shy - that - Einarr - came - nowhere - in -

proximity - to him

> but he was so shy that Einar could get nowhere near him.
>
> Hestrinn hleypr ofan eptir dalnum ok nemr eigi stað,
> the stallion - galloped - down - along - the valley - and - halted -

no - place

> The stallion galloped down the valley and did not stop
>
> fyrr en hann kemr á Aðalból.
> until - he - came - to - Aðalból
> until he came to Adalbol.

'he comes' actually.
Since we try to be very literal here, why not
keep the original tense? Then we can always
finish off by producing a "smooth" translation,
where we change a lot of things to produce a text
that sounds more modern.

>
> Þá sat Hrafnkell yfir borðum.
> there - sat - Hrafnkell - over - boards
> Hrafnkel was eating dinner.

Maybe you are right that he was eating dinner.
Or, can it also be that they sat at table when they
drank? I am not sure.

> Ok er hestrinn kemr fyrir dyrr, hneggjaði hann þá hátt.
> and - when - the stallion - came - in front of - doorway - neighed -

he - then - loudly

> And when the stallion reached the door, he neighed loudly.
>
> Hrafnkell mælti við eina konu, þá sem þjónaði fyrir borðinu,
> Hrafnkell - said - to - one - woman - who - served - before - the table
> Hrafnkel told one of the women who was serving at the table,
>
> at hon skyldi fara til duranna, því at hross hneggjaði,
> that - she - should - go - to - the door - because - a horse - neighed
> that she should go to the door, because a horse neighed
>
> --'ok þótti mér líkt vera gnegg Freyfaxa.'
> and - seemed - to me - like - it is - neigh - of Freyfaxi
> --"and it sounded to me like the neigh of Freyfaxi."

Here I'd rather say that the neigh 'was alike to'
or 'similar to' Freyfaxi's neigh.
"vera líkt" = 'to be equal to, or similar to something'.
"He thought it sounded like Freyfaxi", in smooth English.
In your reading you tie líkt to þótti, whereas I
tie it to vera.

> Hon gengr fram í dyrrnar ok sér Freyfaxa mjõk ókræsiligan.
> she - went - away - to - the doorway - and - saw - Freyfaxi - much -

dirty

> She went to the door and saw a very dirty Freyfaxi.
>
> Hon sagði Hrafnkeli,
> she - said - to Hrafnkell
> She said to Hrafnkel,
>
> at Freyfaxi var fyrir durum úti, mjõk óþokkuligr.
> that - Freyfaxi - was - in front of - doorway - outside - much - dirty
> that Freyfaxi was outside in front of the door, thoroughly filthy.

Well, I may not be correct on all counts.
But at least we have several proposals now,
and that means we can look further into the things that are
still unclear.

Best,
Xigung