From: Piotr Gasiorowski
Message: 12945
Date: 2002-03-30
----- Original Message -----From: x99lynx@...Sent: Saturday, March 30, 2002 7:07 AMSubject: [tied] Celebrate Our IE Origins!!!Is all this getting a wee bit complicated? Well, there's a solution!
The Harappan Horse, the Proto-Germanic Horse - in fact, any horse at all -
all float into irrelevancy when you... Go Anatolian!
That's right! This is your chance to change your opinion about IE origins,
stop incessantly talking about horses and celebrate the real glorious glories
of IE ancestry and national identity!
Join us at the 2d annual Indo-European Anatolian Origins Festival!
It all starts in Anatolia of course! Unfortunately local Turkish-speaking
authorities once again have shown no interest in understanding the enormous
ethnological implications of this premiere Indo-European event. So we will
again be kicking-off the Festival in Mr. Akhisor's cow pasture, which is
actually quite authentic and comfortable enough when it isn't raining.
Planned reenactment activities once again will include dressing up in
glorious crude skins or itchy cloth tunics, gloriously groveling in the dirt,
habitually being on the glorious edge of starvation and staggering off in the
direction of the Danube, while we sow seeds and try to breed wild animals.
We'll once again be encouraging anyone we meet to do the same, provided it is
in a language they do not understand.
Imagine the deep ethnic pride you'll feel in experiencing these glorious IE
Origins first-hand!
Next stop, the Danube! Hungarian officials have also expressed an
enthusiastic willingness to deny us access to any official neolithic sites -
noting in passing that their national language is also not Indo-European.
(Despite our best efforts, it did not seem to reassure these authorities that
we will not be holding our reenactment as sword-wielding Hittite-shouting
viking horsemen of the steppes, but rather as gloriously poor, aimlessly
wandering half-naked farmers and herders who lived before the invention of
soap. For some reason, they don't think this kind of authenticity will
attract the big tourist euro-bucks or many IE fans. Lord knows why.)
On the plus side, this does mean we will again be holding the rendezvous at
Gyor's Tavern in Budapest. An excellent opportunity to again celebrate the
premiere Indo-European contribution to posterity -- a dependable source of
ingredients for making beer!
We'll also be holding the always popular "Mesolithic Trade-Off" Party at
Gyor's. Be sure to bring your 5 pound bag of flour to offer to non-IE
speaking locals in exchange for whatever is leftover of those delicious
"mesolithic" smoked salmon appetizers. Loads of fun and guaranteed to boost
your ethnic pride as an IE speaker!
Next, we'll head to Kiev, from where we will start "storming" across the
steppes by charter bus, singing Tocharian laments. The tour circuit will take
us through northern Iran and Afghanistan where our IE origins and "Hello, I
eat ekwos!" name tags are sure to bring us a hearty welcome!
From there we'll enter the hallowed Indian sub-continent, where we will
gloriously grovel some more in the dirt, milk horses, live in tiny huts,
smell bad and attempt to exchange our goats for accommodations at one of
northern India's most exclusive hotels - reenacting IE's first contact with
the advanced indigenous cultures!
Despite the unfortunate situation that occurred last year, we are
nevertheless confident that the proprietors will this time recognize the
symbolism of this seminal event in the making of Indian as well as so many
European national identities. But be sure to bring a credit card, just in
case.
Activities along the route will include: A special "Proto-Rodeo and
Hoe-Down" where contestants will get a chance to show their skill at taming
and selectively breeding giant aurochs, water buffaloes, wild goats, wild
sheep and wild horses (depending on availability) and hacking at the ground
with an antler. And the "Let's Make Weird Marks on Odd Shapes of Pottery and
Pretend That They Have Some Kind of Important Mystical Meaning" Contest. And
much, much more!
The 2d Annual Indo-European Anatolian Origins Festival!
It's YOUR chance to celebrate the glorious fact that YOUR ancestors were able
to scratch out an existence and originally maybe spoke the same language,
kind of, more or less. Remember, if it were not for them, the world would
not be the wonderful place it is today.
Guest speakers will include a representative of the Navaho Tribe who, on
behalf of all non-IE speakers the world around, will invite us all to go to
hell.
Sign up today!