Craziness of Language

Thought you linguists may appreciate this piece

Regards

John

> Let's face it: English is a crazy language.
>
> There is no egg in eggplant or
> ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
> English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in

France.

> Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are

meat.

>
> We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we

find

> that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a

guinea pig
is

> neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers

write,

> but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?

If the

> plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One

goose,

> 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese

the

> plural of choose?
>
> If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian

eats

> vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
> In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?

Ship

> by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that

smell?

> Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
>
> How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise

man
and

> a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as h*ll one

day
and

> cold as h*ll another?
>
> When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling

it

> out and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
> When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are

out,

> they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it,

but when
I

> wind up this essay, I end it?
>
> Now I know why I flunked my English. It's not my fault -- the silly
> language doesn't quite know whether it's coming or going.
>
>
>
>
>
>