Mostly very minor stuff.
At 1:36:45 PM on Thursday, June 3, 2010, Fred and Grace
> Nú varð Anakinn hirðmaðr Paðému, ok fylgir hann henni, í
> öllum stöðum, hvert er hon þurfti at koma.
> Now Anakin became Padme's queen's man and he follows her
> in every place where she needs to come.
<Þurfti> is past tense: 'needed'.
> Þau skiptu mörg orð saman leynilega, ok menn sögðu
> hlæjandi, at Anakinn himingangari þrælsson skyli biðja
> hennar fögru dróttningar.
> They exchanged many words secretly and people said
> laughing, that Anakinn skywalker thrall's son should ask
> (to marry the) fair queen.
I think that the sense of <skyli> here is better captured by
'would'. Since you're trying to stay close to the original,
I'll note that you dropped out <hennar>: 'ask for *her*
hand, [the] fair queen's'.
> Þat er sagt eitt sinn, at Anakinn sagði Paðému draum sinn:
> It is said one time, that Anakinn told Padme his dream,
<Eitt sinn> actually modifies <sagði>, not <sagt>: 'It is
said that Anakinn once told Padme ...'.
> Síðan bjuggu þau Anakinn ok Paðéma ferð sína, ok þau kvámu
> til Íslands í Nöbudal, ok sváfu þau þar á strönd nætr
> Afterwards they, Anakinn and Padme, prepared for their
> journey, and they came (why subjunctive?) to Iceland in
> Nobudal, and they slept there on a beach because of the
<Kvámu> isn't a subjunctive: it's an older form of the past
tense. The corresponding subjunctive would be <kvæmi>,
while the subjunctive corresponding to the later <kómu> is
> "Ekki á ek hana lengr," segir Vattó.
> "I have not had her in a long time," says Vatto.
I believe that he's saying 'I no longer own her'. A similar
example can be found in Zoëga s.v. <hræfa>: <má ekki um þat
hræfa lengr> 'it is no longer tolerable'.
> Hon sá Anakin ok þá sagði, "Flestir munu af manni þessum
> illt hljóta, en þó muntú ráða vilja."
> She saw Anakinn and then said, "Most will will suffer ill
> from this man, but still you will want to decide."
'Decide' isn't wrong, but 'have your way' probably expresses
the intended sense more clearly.
> Kléggr segir, "Ránsmenn miklir, Tuskinssynirnir, nam hana."
> Kleggr says, "Many robbers, Tuskin's sons, took her."
'Great robbers'; 'many robbers' would be <ránsmenn margir>.
> Anakin þegir.
> Anakinn was silent.
<Þegir> is present tense: 'is silent'.
> Hann sér konu á jörð, er blðr mjök, ok kennir móður sinn.
> He sees a woman on (the) ground, (there) is much blood,
> and recognizes his mother.
'He sees a woman on [the] ground who bleeds greatly, ...'
> Hon spyrr, "Hvárt ek heyri rödd Anakins, sonar míns?"
> She asks, "Do I hear ?? of my son, Anakinn?"
<Rödd> is 'voice'. It's in Zoëga, but you might have missed
it if you were looking for <rodd>. When you copy and paste
from the web page, o-ogonek and <> turn into plain <o>, and
you need to go through and fix them, as I just did above.
> Anakinn hljóp [...]
> Anakinn leaps [...]
<Hljóp> is past tense: 'leaped'.
> Anakinn lét erfa móður sína eptir fornri siðvenju.
> Anakinn honoured his mother with a funeral feast after
> (the) ancient practice.
<Fornri> is the comparative: 'older practice'.